27 things that happened on your first lads The lads holiday A rite of passage for every young man negotiating the tricky transition from teenage dom into adulthood.
Going on holiday with your parents is like, so uncool, and the summer holidays is no longer about playing football from sunrise to sunset followed by a mammoth session on Goldeneye. Why else would you have been slaving away in the Tesco caf all day Saturday and two evenings a week? Not to pay rent that for sure. (Thanks Mum and Dad, I owe you one). That money was usedfor two weeks of hedonism in a sunny European destination that you previously never heard of. And so it begins, the holiday The airport You thought you were all grown up but your mum still dropped you off at the airport, told you to be careful and made sure you had your tickets, passport, toothbrush, underwear, sun tan lotion and every other possible thing that you definitely would forgotten had she not reminded you every day for the last week. When you were at the airport you saw a group of lads in a similar situation. Most of them were stockier than you and had barbed wire and tribal tattoos. You then saw them at baggage claim, the coach and the hotel. (After the first night out you saw one of them unconscious in the hotel lobby dressed entirely in ladies clothes.) All excited you started drinking on the plane and as soon as you arrived, dumped your bags, splurged on a fresh layer of hair gel and went straight out. Typically you went too hard too soon and your mate Rob was asleep in the world loudest nightclub by 10.30pm. Despite being in a foreign country the place you most frequented to line your stomach was a pub called Piccadilly serving full English breakfasts. A song you hear on the first night becomes the anthem for the whole holiday and turns you into a child with ADHD every time it comes on regardless of time and location. This was mine from Lloret de Mar in 2000. It is not good. There is always one incident that requires one of you needing medical attention. It can be anything from a moped accident, an ear infection or a scuffle with someone in a bar but they equal oakley glasses frames the same outcome, the locals hate you. And communicating with a doctor when inebriated in another language is just not possible. Your holiday rep looked like Abs from 5ive, oakley jacket had the energy of H from steps and had a can of Red Bull surgically attached to his hand. In other words, he was an absolute cretin. If you decided against his organised carnage of pub crawls, boat oakley green lenses trips and excursions he acted like you do not exist. 12. The token water park visit You visited grey oakleys a water park. You burnt your feet on the scolding hot ground while you queue. You went down slides. You pssed about. You went back to the hotel. You chat to a variety of people from around Europe during your holiday and realise how good their English is and how crap we are as a nation. 14. T shirts with nicknames on the back. Nico doesn tan well and drinks a lot of milk, let put Milky on his. Yeah, thanks. Really clever. Dapper Laughs/Stavros Flatley hybrids try and get you into their bars with offers of free shots and a fish bowl. One of your mates decided to make a tactical escape from a night out but in his drunken state didn get the room key off you. You returned home to find him in the foetal position outside your door using a disposable container half filled with questionable looking noodles as a pillow.
Living for the night can cause the daytime to drag somewhat so as well as inventing every possible poolside game going, you also ended up pranking each other to keep the holiday momentum up. Cereal in the swimming shorts was fairly tame, buying a porno magazine, covering it with sun tan lotion and putting it on your mates bed just before he brought a girl back to his room, not so much. It wasn possible to call home on your prehistoric mobile without it costing a fortune so you bought a phone card and called your mum to let her know everyone still had all of their limbs and to ask what terminal you were flying back into.
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