Ass Wine Review Since I designated 2009 as my "Year of Pulp" (meaning write more, write faster, and give it the most bang for the buck), I also decided I would have some fun with really cheap red wine.
I mean, anyone can go and pretend to be an expert with what little knowledge you picked up off the Fine Living Channel (you know you watch it, sitting there in your underpants drinking Milwaukee Best Light), but it takes some balls to wade through the cheap shit in order to find the occasional pearls. That brings us to Bandit Merlot. In a box. It from the Three Thieves guys, the ones who made cheap screw top jug wine tasty. Let me be clear: Merlot. Not the Bandit Cabernet, which is an offense to taste. Really, the cab is like oakley sunglasses men some sort of cooking vinegar spiked with bad strawberry cola, with some cod oil thrown in for good oakley sunglasses band measure. Avoid at all cost. I don care if it only seven bucks. But the Merlot is a surprising little bugger. I actually took the first sip without making a face. I thought to myself Did I accidentally open the better wine while I was off in La La Land? Another sip. Hey, how about that? Still not spitting it into the sink. Really, it the type of red you drink with French fries and frozen chicken fingers. Or if you alone and want to drink it right blue and white oakleys out of the box like milk. Or if you writing a terrible book and just want to pass out rather than face the pages because, seriously, it didn seem this boring when I thought it up. I talking Satanists oakley store locations and Pentecostal preachers and mysterious old men in Mississippi BBQ joints who can read your mind. Nope, just didn work worth a damn. Took a hundred and thirty pages to figure that out? Geez. Why, look, seven dollar wine in a cool box. Maybe that will bring the sweet, sweet oblivion I crave so much in order to dull the bright sound of failure pinging in my mind over and over. Or you can serve it to guests at your next bratwurst fry. I don care. I also found about ten bucks.
Yeah, I mean, if you don know jack shit, just pick the cool labels. The wine sucks, though. I talk about that in another review.
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