A Weapon of Mass Seduction Arden: Why do we fall in love with people, Helena? Helena: Because when we see someone we make up a story about them, and we want to live in that story.
I never really understood the word "fake" as an insult. "Disingenuous," "dishonest," "hypocritical," and "insincere" sure, those are bad qualities that are to be avoided. But "fake," as in "artificial," would seem to imply that the opposing, desirable quality would be whatever is completely and totally natural. And while "natural" and "desirable" sometimes cross over in the Venn diagram, they don line up consistently. Think about it: a burp is natural, but it not desirable. When I was a very young kid, there was a time that my family and I went to Disney World together and when we got to the Small World ride, there was no line. So we climbed in the boat, and at my insistence, stayed on the ride about ten times in a row. (My poor parents. I ought to buy them a belated drink for putting up with that one.) I loved Small World and I used to fantasize about climbing off the boat and hanging out with the animatronics dolls for the rest of my life, never having to go to school again, just staying and playing all day with all these kids who seemed so cool and hung out with tigers and hippos. Of course I was bright enough to know that they were just robotic dolls, but that didn matter I wanted to live in that story. I still have a weakness for artifice. So much of what we fantasize about today is not actually achievable, but through artifice, we can, for a moment, live in the story. I think this is why I love Las Vegas so much I never be able to walk the streets of an ancient Roman marketplace, but I can visit Caesar Palace and pretend for a few minutes that I am. A few months ago my colleague Helena and I took a mini vacation to Atlantic City, and one hotel had a facade that was decorated with signs for fake western storefronts saloons, mining supplies, brothels, horse tack, etc. For a moment I paused and tried to imagine the kinds of characters who would walk around such a place. The image was so much more interesting than the actual landscape of Jersey shore kids and sad retirees before me. We all love fantasy to some degree. We all invite it into our lives through different veins Hollywood movies, novels, online rpgs, and even fashion, music, and art are all forms of fantastic escapism. There are so many stories out there in the collective unconscious that are far more interesting sunglasses oakley sale than our daily pedestrian lives but which we will never fully be able to live out. So what does this have to do with seduction? Every once in a while we encounter a person who is able to bring a story to life, a story we want to live in. And it is the furthest thing from the natural state they were born into it would be entirely fake BUT for the level to which they have committed to it. Because of their commitment, their story becomes so close to truth that we are able to momentarily suspend our reality and live in the world that they have created. And often it is a beautiful world, a world so much more interesting and oakley sunglasses gold frame compelling than the one that we actually have to function within on a daily basis. To an extent, this is what was so compelling to me about BDSM. No one is actually born dominant or submissive (though it could be argued that through nature or nurture some of us tend toward being more reticent and some toward being more aggressive, but that only explains an affinity for certain roles, not a birthright to them), but through the players commitment to their respective roles, we are able to believe them for a moment. We are able to fear or crave as the story dictates. Of course, I pretty much ruined BDSM for myself by becoming a pro Domme for three years and exposing the whole fantasy to light. Metaphorically speaking, I stepped off the Small World boat, walked up to an animatronics doll, and took it apart to see how it worked. And now I stuck trying to find again the fantasy that inspired me in the first place. Recently I was trying to find the words for it, and what I ended up saying was, "It not all about the whips and the ropes and the accoutrements. it about the feeling you get when there is someone you can say no to." The truth is that we can, of course, say no to anyone whenever we feel like it, but when the relationship is steeped in such commitment, the fake becomes real and the fantasy becomes truth. A few entries ago I wrote a profile on my friend Kayvon and the world he has created around himself. As an example of commitment to artifice, he and I were having a discussion recently about how he wants to recreate the world of a royal court. For a while, whenever the bunch of us went out, a friend of ours would carry a black fringed umbrella over Kayvon while he walked down the street. His girlfriend would carry a feathered fan to cool him off. In today world, there are no societal conventions like this one, but if everyone committed to it, how "fake" can it be? For me, at least lately, the world of rock and roll is often the perfect incarnation of artifice and reality. Jay Gordon (my high school locker pin up) wasn born with silver nail polish and eyeliner no rockstar ever is, but through their belief in a greater image and identity, they create something that more interesting than most of the people we meet in our everyday lives. What great about it though is that it become such a widespread culture that the line between fantasy and reality becomes a blur it a dream, but the dream is real. And me? I am a complete and total construction of my own making. I wasn born wearing red lipstick and expensive lingerie and touting myself as a seduction guru, but over the years I have committed to it thoroughly, and today, it what I am. No man today can ever hope to be with Cleopatra, or with Marilyn Monroe, or with Madame Recamier, but hopefully through the art of my artifice, I can hope to bring a little bit of that spark back to life. Don aspire to what you see in reality. Most of the time, reality is boring and too easy. Strive to be someone fantasy, someone through whom they can escape the doldrums of everyday life. I believe in oakley best price authenticity, but sometimes I believe authenticity would be better defined as "consistency." Commit to the story you are bringing to life. Take your inner passions, the most vivid fantasies of your innermost authentic self, and commit to them so hard that they become real. Create something for the rest of us to believe in. And then the next time someone calls you "fake," you can smile and say, "You welcome." "Take your inner passions, the most vivid fantasies of your innermost authentic self, and commit to them so hard that they become real. Create something for the rest of us to believe in." The only problem I have with this advice is that most people fantasies are built on a value system they didn create. Without ever moving beyond a certain sphere of experience, they get into a self sustaining loop of reward and punishment that leaves them with bizarre, impulsive drives towards things they label good, and away from things they label bad. On this bedrock of bullshit, they try to create a compelling life only to find that none of their goals bring any satisfaction. 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